There's no love, like a mother's love

Man. Motherhood is the hardest, most rewarding, scariest things I have ever done in my entire life and last night proved that. I saw every hour through the night and didn't get over 20 min. of sleep at any given time.

Because Reece got such a high fever the first time he had Chemo, the doctors decided to give him a steroid. Little did I know that this little fever-busting-steroid is also like speed for Reece (no wonder he's been off-the-wall super-play-kid)! Trying to get him to go to sleep has been so hard the past two nights and I've just been saying oh maybe it's because I'm sleeping with him (which is NOT what we do at home), or maybe it's because it isn't his bed, or it's too bright in here, or it's too loud, or this, or that, and on and on. But NOPE it's this little steroid... the doctors just now told us that a side effect is fussiness and jittery... thanks for the heads up guys.

So, last night Reece was constantly shifting his body back and forth and every 30-45 min. he would sit up and scream for Mama. It was the saddest thing, because there was literally nothing I could do. All I wanted was to lay in bed and squeeze him tight in a bear hug and have any pain or fear go away and him know how loved he is and how safe he is.

After a rough night of little to no sleep, another KAPOW came when the IV nurses came in to clean his Broviac line. He had it put in a week ago and they only clean it once a week due to the chance of infection.

We know our little man is going to get through all of this because of all of his strength. With that being said, he sometimes has too much strength for his own good :) It took 3 nurses, Rodney, and me to all hold him down while it was being cleaned. He would look me straight in the eye and scream "Mama" and boy my eyes would just tear up hearing his scared/angry voice. This too was another time when all I wanted to do was have him look into my eyes and know he's going to be okay and know that we are here to help him.

It's time like these that show how strong and weak a parent can be all in the same time. "He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak." - Isaiah 40:29

After an exhausting night and morning, Reece is still a little trooper and taking a much needed peaceful nap. I know other parents can agree, there's nothing quite as sweet as watching a little one sleep.

Like always, please feel free to ask any questions or leave any comments!